Why do you do this to me?
Why do you do this so easily?
You make it hard to smile because
You make it hard to breathe
Why do you do this to me?
Secondhand Serenade - Why.


The world is fucked up in so many ways, its incredible.
Life since last week seemed to be getting better! I swear, the crying stopped, I even went on a date yesterday, Friday.

It was amazing, we met at the park, talked for half an hour till the rain began, then it poured and hailed a second later, we were running for cover. We ran under a building and laughed, spoke a bit, and he told me to shut up, held me and kisses me.
I was in heaven, pretty much. Half an hour making out...
Amazing, then the rain stopped so we walked down the streets for an hour, then he walked me home and kissed me goodnight, a mere peck on the lips.
I kinda got worried, maybe he regretted the date?
The next day, today, I spoke to him and he said he had allot of fun but he was a little bummed I kept moving his hands from my ass, occasionally. He didn't touch anywhere else... But hey, my body is private.
So I asked him if he though it'd go anywhere serious so he said he's not sure because we only met a week and a half prior.

I told this to my friend and he thought that the guy was and is still trying to play me, and slowly he made a convincing point. I said I have BS luck with guys, and he said he loves me.
Now, that wasn't the first time he said that, only the first time he said he was over me so I didn't think opening up to him would make him like me again.
Oh I was wrong.

Stuck between a possible player and a guy I don't have feelings for.
Great, Thanks god.
I feel like a pon in a huge game of "Torture a girl mentally till she goes insane".
Well, fuck you, I won't let you win.

I miss my best friend, the one I spoke of last time. The one that moved away?... I still love him but I need to move on.

I love him.
But no, I always lose when it comes to relationships.

So... Fuck it.


K.i.k--- Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?